Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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