i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
