Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
