Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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