Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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