Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
