I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
