How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
