I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
