people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
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