What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
