Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
