Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
