I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
