Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
