Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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