You're so nebulous sometimes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
