dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
