Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
