Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
