franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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