my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
