I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
