I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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