I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
