Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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