i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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