There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
