oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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