6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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