then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
