i don't like sucking hair
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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