The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
