I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
