You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
