....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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