she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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