I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
