so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
