i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
