How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
