he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
