Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
