i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
