she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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