I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
