I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
