apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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