Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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