She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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